Romantic Tragedy

Goodbye to you.....

2006-09-16T02:46:00.000-07:00

Well yes it has taken me some time to finish this and here i am convinced that blogging is not for me anymore.... so this is gonna be my last entry.....

and yeah..... i guess after all this time, only now i realise that all i need is just closure...... a werd i have never use before but now i need it more that i used to....... to my past..... closure will set me away from all the hopes i had and wishes which i only hope would come true.....

and this is a sing i wrote which took sometime for me to finish..... every single line is from what i've seen happening in my life..... and well i just want to share with you guys.....

i'm sorry

that i've changed into this way

not listening to a word that you say

it just hurts to know the truth

i'm sorry for all those times i've taken you for granted

never meant to take advantage

i'm sorry

i'm not as strong as what you'd thought i'd be

i know i'm weak i know you can see

it hurts so much to know your gone

in memories

is where you'll be with me always

part of my past is where you'll stay

there's nothing more for me to change
goodbye to you goodbye

Sometimes, you just need to stop and just think for a second.... as for now,closure is what i need...... same goes to this blog.... so take care you guyz and gracias......peace......

if only it happens to you more than me

2006-08-08T23:43:00.000-07:00

hey people.... well each time i see my blog which is not updated i get irritated... hahah... so bored!!! now i have a mood to update it.... so yeah.....

supposedly gonna watch fast n furious but it was cancel.... so just walk around at town and just wlak around... hahaha wen jun so sad tat he didnt get his shoe..... relek la bro.... wahahhaha but that skull leather high card shoe was freaking rocking...... den after that went to eat at this place which i don't know the name... hahaha

den me and khai walk to city hall and zakiah masged him saying there's gonna be firewerks at esplanade... and because we have no where to lepak, we went to see it... it was cool.... new never seen before fireworks ah dis year..... kinda cool... and tomorrow going outt again.... so it's cool...

i'm so bored!!!

freaking exams......

2006-08-05T00:51:00.000-07:00

yeah freaking shit.... the exams are coming and i ahven started studying.... fuck lor.... hahahah my life is so boring rite... n now this blog has no meaning seriously.... so you won't see me updating it often.... only mayb when sumtin reali happens that effects my life....

so see ya wen i see ya.... and sumtimes i'll be changing the osng on my blog so stay tune to the next song aite..... right now it plays the kill by 30 seconds to mars.... very freaking rocking band.... cheers!

cutting down is hard

2006-07-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

okay do you remember the first time that you were allowed to go hang outt with your friends.... hahah like primary 4 or secondary 1...... when i saw this group of guyz, i was laughing like hell..... you see i think it's the first time they could go out with their friends.... and i think they are going to meet a bunch of their gerl classmates i think coz they were like shitheads tryin desperately to look good..... you see they were at this playground and there's this sign that writes something about the playground...... it's like a mirror coz u can see your reflection.... and this 4 shitheads were really using it as a mirror and checking their fucking hair.... and it's desperately obvious.... go find a restroom or something.... and the thing that made it worst was they were modifying each other's hair.... go imagine.... four sec 1 boys....... standing in front of a 'mirror' and doing each other's hair..... they are like fucking faggots..... stupid shitheads....... hahahhaha stupid siol......

i'm fuking bored...... cutting down is useless coz i'll be cutting down today but not tomorrow..... i can only cut down when i'm not outt the whole day..... i think my plan to quit after the fasting month is really looking bleak..... hahaha i'm fucking bored!!!! and go listen to No Use For A Name's For Fiona..... rockin song..... the drum is not that comlicated but wicked.....

\m/ SaiFuL \m/

hahahhahaha

2006-07-25T20:35:00.000-07:00

damn..... i missed my group's presentation this morning..... stupid shit sia.... i forgot all about it... i was getting ready when Ayuni called me up saying the presentation was today...... i was like crap.... it's today?! but when i thought about it, i was convinced that i couldn't make it..... with the time i spend with my hair and deciding what shades i wanna wear.... i surely can't make it on time to school....... so i just took my time to school........ i couldn't do anything about it when i'm here at Tampines and my school is way over there.... fat chance lah i wanna take cab..... don't be stupid..... when i came, i can see that Ayuni and Jackson were a bit angry...... obviously.... only two outt of five came to present...... the other 3 idiots were till sleeping that includes me...... hahahah..... super sorry to them ah!!! ahhahahah

so yah after school meet with syamir... he wanted to catch Superman returns AFTER IT HAS BEEN OUTT FOR SO LONG!!! but i wanted to watch it also cause i haven watch it myself so meet up with him ah...... overall the movie was cool ah......super cool.... the effects all that.... the superman who looks like the old superman..... so it was cool... but it was me and syamir who made the story funny with our lameass comments...... hahahah.... but i still can't help it that superman has a son..... pucking funny.... cause i can't imagine superman pucking lois lane...... serious...... what the hell.... and i can't get over the fact that he has to take out his underwear ferst when we, normal humans, take it off later.... but he has to take it outt ferst..... ahhahaha cool right to be superman.... must take out your underwear ferst....... ahhahahha..... weirdo.... but he is a cool superhero ah...... and yah each time lois lane wants to light her ciggarette, Superman will be there to blow outt the fire before she could even light it...... stupid sia superman..... she's not your gerl lah dude.... let cyclops handle her lah...... and yah why should she still love you.... ferstly, your a pervert with your x ray vision... and your a idiotic guy...... you puck her and leave just like that for five years summore...... confirm you not loyal sia!! bodoh sia you!! hahahahha ok ok i stop with my lameass comments about superman..... he still gets the dudettes eventhough he's a pucker.... hahahah.....

so that was my tuesday..... and yah... how i wish Supergerl would blow out the fire when i want to light my ciggarettes.... i quit smoking ah...... yah rite.... ok i'm outt......

\m/ SaiFuL \m/

you eclipsed by me....

2006-07-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

okay i haven been updating this blog coz i really have nothing to say and nothing left to say.... my life right now is quite dull yeah.... gotta admit.... so here's just a little update.... hahahah it doesn't even look like a proper post..... but who cares.....

oh yah 5 sticks per day....how? can manage???

my freaking horoscope....

2006-07-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

Capricon dude....

A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.

His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.

Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.

It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.

He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.

He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.

He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.

Love will make him shine and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.

---------------the ones in green are quite true--------------

Not gonna say much.....

Who am i to interfere with your life......

\m/ SaiFuL \m/

fuck the security!!

2006-07-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

hahahha orite so here's an update about what i've been up to.... hahaha... so yesterday went to baybeats with my friends... there was faris,saiful,ariff,jeremy,zul,khalis,hafeez,syamir, izzati, izzati's friend.... hahahha.... yeah went to see my bro perform.... so many people was there.... obviously, free gig sey.... hahaha den actually there was no moshing but i didn't care because so long never mosh alreadi and i was really wanting to mosh.... den the fucking security pulled me out and threw me behind the barricades... but i continue to mosh behind the barricades!!! fuck you security officers!!!!! hahahahha.... after that lepak until 2 am..... hahhahaha fun ah once in awhile hang outt until 2...... hahahhaha

so today just wanted to chill so went out to chill with syamir and faiz...... fun ah.... we laugh ;laugh joke joke and talk crap...... ohh yah and sing.... that refers to faiz only ah.... so yeah had fun this past two days.... man school tomorrow....lazy to go....

orite... take care people!!! \m/ \m/

the softer side....

2006-07-13T23:45:00.000-07:00

listen up you shitheads....
i thought about this by accident...
i don't know if u guyz agree...
but just read...

if every wave has it's low tide...
if every man has his flaw...
if every up has it's down...
if every tragedy has it's thankful side...
if every broken heart there's two hearts becoming one...

and if every hello there's a goodbye...

DEN, EVERY ROCKER HAS HIS SOFTER SIDE...

new hair bodoh!!

2006-07-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

hahahhahaha for the first time in my life i dunoe what style to have my hair cut to.... serious...... i ws asking all my friends what hairstyle i should do.... and i decided on this rocker concept.... bt i was afraid it would be a little matrip but my frenz said it's gonna be rockish...... so i was oright den... let's do it.... so here's a ferst glance of my new hairstyle and my ferst time doing this kind of style....... rock on shitheads!!!!

it looks normal rite??

it's not normal now!!!!

bothers me....

2006-07-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

okay i'm not sure why it can still bother me when i really have told myself i won't let it bother me again....

i'm right here having my break in school..... with my poly bros..... hahahahha.... and i'm here left pondering about something that shudn't bother me animore...... so what if she has someone new..... so what if she wants to be with him long or short term.... does it benefit me to know that while i'm here pondering how i wish things got back to what they were while she's over there with someone..... i told myself not to care... seriously.... okay how many times must i say this..... it's not that i deprive myself from moving on.... it's not that i hold back myself from getting to know other gerls.... cause the fact is i made new friends but none that can be my only one..... so why am i like being bothered if i have someone or not.... maybe it's because those times were one of the best times i ever had.... and it's hard to not think abouit something that made you happy...... sometimes i think that god doesn't want me to forget the past for a reason...... to keep me sane...... or maybe that things wud one day be better.... or maybe just maybe, he thinks i'm nt ready to let go...... if only i can meet him and ask...... ask why am i like this.... why can't i forget everything.... just simply why...... coz frankly speaking, i really wnat to know.......

whatever you say or do.... action speaks louder than words but eventhough you take action, it sometimes doesn't turn out good in the end... so why would you want to try again when you know moving on also doesn't work..... ohhh shit i'm being emo again... fuck!!

\m/ Joey \m/

A beautiful wedding.....

2006-07-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

well today nothing much that i did just rewang at my cousin's wedding...... it was a great and beautiful wedding......

so acerli my mom was alreadi there sonce yesterday... so only me,my 2 bros n my dad had to go there today..... so we head there like 1030 am.... we had to be there early coz we had to help with anything tat needs help... ahhahaha...... so wen we reach there, we ate ferst coz we haven't had our breakfast or dinner........ den when we were eating my makcik came and said that me n my 2 bros have to go n fetch the bride along with my other pakciks n my makcik... we were like okay lor...... no problem.....

den we like act as bodyguards and were at the back overlooking everything..... kind of cool la..... den wen the bride and groom came out of the lift... me n my bros were waiting and we escorted them like we were reali bodyguards..... coz my pakciks all we getting the cars ready.....

den after reaching at the groom's place again, me n my bro had the honours to lead the couple to the ceremony and to their platform....... we were holding the bunga mangga and we lead them through a small park..... a wonderful idea ah....... very romantic....... den me n my bro were like ferst timers...... we just lead ah.... was very cool ah...... so thats that lor....

and yah.... to see me n my bros at a wedding is a rare occasion so when they saw us, they were like excited and happy to see us make it to the wedding.... i felt like a rockstar...... hahahha rockstar Pantat kao!!! hahhahaha so that's tat for today.....

NO MORE SECOND CHANCES CAUSE SECOND CHANCES ARE MYTHICAL........

take care dudes and dudettes.... \m/ \m/

-Joey-

School's a bore!!

2006-07-05T22:40:00.000-07:00

Damn.... school is starting to bore me.... after the holidays, it feels like a drag to study...... but i still have to... i wanna get my freaking diploma.....hahhahaha and yah today i was super sleepy due to myself watching the world cup... hahaha germany the home country and host are outt...... tats what you get for not fighting till the end...... italy did just that and look what happen...... they won you germany!!!!!

and puck!!! the no smoking area now is irritating... it's hard to find a place to sit and smoke at an eating place nowadays...... where like macd is comfortable to sit with your buds and smoke a stick or two... the place for smokers that are provided are limited... walau!! nvm.... government decides it... and by law some more.... so i won't do something stupid and smoke anyhow... i don't wanna get a fine for smoking....... again.....

well...... today is an okay day i reckon...... hope tomorrow would bring a better future for me...... wahhahahaha...

take care dudes and dudettes.....\m/ \m/

2006-07-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

ok don't get me wrong or anything cause this song, i wrote way back..... it's a couple of months ago i think..... coz i kind of forgot i wrote it but i wanna share with you so hope you just would read it for the sake of reading...... so yeah.....

and i'll keep silent, i won't make a sound
after what i have, after what i've found
you have found someone after all this time
where do i put us where do i put my mind

cause it's busted up,being tortured real good
for being in love, for believeing in you
you made it seem like it's all untrue
our love was nothing, now i feel so used

those presents i gave, those poems i wrote
those songs i sang, were they any good?
cause i never asked for anything back
all i want was you all i need was you

tonight,it all ends tonight,
and i'll let her go tonight,
and i'll make sure it all goes well tonight,
and don't you worry about me i'll be fine tonight,
tonight

i loved you so much with my heart and soul
you broke us apart with something so cold
your trust i earn, my love i gave
but it just wasn't enough to make you stay

do you still think about the joy we share
the times we had the bed we shared
when i said to you i won't leave you dry
but you left instead on the coldest night

now i write this song despite that we are through
never speak of us, or what have we been through
it was nice at first but it came to an end
where u lay down dead and my hands to my head

one wonderful quote that is in my head now.... "you'll love the hardest person"

growth......

2006-07-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah.... so this days have been just merely fine i guess... hahah i don't even know whether i'm okay or not...... haven really thought how i've been doing... hahahha....

well there's nothing special happening around me, just it's really great hanging outt with my poly mates.... they're a bunch of fun shitheads....... hahhaha but here's another thought of mine as i've been told by a friend that i like to speak my mind.....

after thinking about my situation or my life right now, i guess i've grown to someone who is quite different...... i've started to accept reality.... yeah reality can sometimes bring you down.... it can really bring you so freaking down that you don't feel the need to go on with your journey of life..... you may want to stop and runaway from everything......

well, i've seen that no matter how much you run, reality will catch up on you and overtake you..... coz reality wants you to learn and realise....... and reality is actually ain't that bad.... i've grown i guess.... from a guy who can't accept any bad shits that happen, to a guy who wants to accept it and who hopes that all the patience and sanity is paid off......

yes eventhough not all things go your way..... eventhough not all things ends well......you still have to move along.... hoping something to happen isn't totally bad.... but u can't let that hope, get over your head... you can hope a little, but still have to move along...... things now for me can't be all good, but at least it's going well and i shouldn't brood to much about it...... so here's to the people around me and that we all have a long, healthy, wealthy and happy life.....

yours only
-SaiFuL-

no fails just passes....

2006-06-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

okay just stopping by here to say that i passed all my module common tests.... and so i'm happy...... hahahhaha and i'm feeling the urge and adreanaline to perform again.... it was a fun experience.... hahahha so cool.....

-SaiFuL-

i hate that i still love you

2006-06-26T22:30:00.000-07:00

I thought about this when i was walking home from the mrt station at tampines......

i don't know if it's just me but i have this opinion...... people are judged by what they write which can be on a blog, newspaper forum page or anywhere for that matter.......for example, from a newspaper forum page, a person may be said to be racist, nonsensical, one sided etc.... while at a blog, when someone writes about how sad they are or whatever it may be, he can be said to be nt manly, weak, to emotional etc....... yeah you may think what does this have to lead to anything.....

but it's a whole different show when it comes to songswriters and poets..... they are not judged or being said to be something that they may not like to be called..... they would be appreciated for their experience and creativity on that piece of writing...... isn't the people who has blogs or writes to forum pages also give pieces of writing with they're experience??? but they are judged.... for what they have experience......

i'm not taking any sides on this matter coz i'm on both sides..... no, i don't write to the forum page but i do write what i've gone through on this blog...... both sad and happy events..... and yeah i do write songs to pour out my feelings....... and so it's just a piece of thought from me...... but both of the things i'm doing, it does help but to only to a certain point.....

because i'm still sad.... you may say i'm a handful of confusion, a dash of sadness and a pinch of anger........ i don't know how my feelings can get this so caught up on it.... i know it's been a long time but, the truth is still what i'm feeling now.... i don't know what to do.... what my next step has to be... what's the lessons to be learned..... how to be optimistic about all of this..... i just don't know....... i need to say all this here cause i have no where else to go..... i just hope you people won't judge me for what i've said..... it's just how i've been doing..... well maybe that person who tagged i'm fine is wrong......

great gig!!

2006-06-24T02:15:00.000-07:00

~What a great gig experience~

wow.... what a great day...... ok so here's the lay down on the whole day.........

wow woke up like 1 pm and i didn't really thought about the gig...... was havin flu and so i just laid on the sofa watching tv........ and yah, was waiting for my bro with his guitar cable......... hahahha so 3+ den i headed outt to meet the guyz.... so we reached Paragon nearing 5pm... and the thing is not set up due to rain so we waited... while waiting, many people came down... people that we know...... ferst jeremy with waan tung and another of their friend......... then it was ariff's group of friends and after that Aisyah with her friends....... i was like, cool that at least people came down to see us...... thanks dudes and dudettes.....

so we started at 530 pm..... we played 7 songs..... many people stop to look at us..... that's reali great ah for us..... many teenagers and foreigners...... and yah the mak salehs tuk pics.... and one negro dude was looking at us while nodding his head...... that's cool........ and yah tere were many chicks!!!!! wow wow!!!!!! but they went away after we finished....... so no chance to "make friends"........hahhahah yah yah...... oh yah saw neni and wati also...... it was great la the performance..... it was best...... but after the gig, my shoulder was aching like hell... it was hard to move it.... fuck sia.....but it was great.....

so after the gig went to eat at far east with the band, aisyah, nazeerah, jeremy, waan tung and ariff's cuz farhan........den when heading out of far east, ran into hazwan and anuar...... long time no see.... great la to see the old people once awhile....... haahhaha.... so after that went to bugis to have sheesha with the 8 people.... hahhaha.... we ordered 3 sheeshas..... alot right.... tats why.... i was fucking high....... and when i was high, a sort of truth syndrome burst outt inside of me..... i hated that.... esp when i was trying to have fun with my friends... the old shit came back..... but i was fine......was so damn high and i couldn't walk straight....hahhaha ... den head home.... but our journey home was altered when ariff realised his hp was left at the sheesha place.... we went back and luckily he got it back...... didn't want to end this great day with a bad senario....... so yeah.... great day!!

fuck.... why... why did i have to see that...... how i never thought a heart can still break when a heart is already down and tron apart........ when i saw her dropping at somerset with her guy, the same time we arrive at somerset....... when i see them holding hands........ i was broken into like so many pieces that i can't even count how many....... why should that moment happen..... why can't i be a little so that i could miss her..... i guess, yeah, i'm sad... but i still gotta perform right.....oh wells.....

so here's some pics!!!!! (click the pics for a bigger view)

just carry out with what the intention was....

2006-06-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

heyhey.... well, my mom's back from mecca.... picked her up at the airport just now..... went with my sis, my bro-in-law and my bro-in-law's mom......... i know it was onli 1130 but i can't stand it.... my sis asked if i wanted anithing from mac, i said twister fries!! only 1130 am and i'm alreadi eating twister fries.... don't really give a damn......

and one thing is, i never get tired at looking at any of my family members when they arrive back home...... my mom has gone there for like 4 times and each time she comes back and i see her, it makes me really miss my mom and all the things she's done...... well it's her moment now.....

oright so yeah.... we're performing tomorrow along orchard road...... its either at paragon, wisma or cineileisure........ i'm not sure which venue is ours but i know it starts at 5pm.... it's kind of a donation drive...... so if u wanna know where we're playing you can call up either one of the four shuitheads which call themselves HER PERFECT FLAW....... wish us luck aite......

i don't know why this is bothering me, but i guess i just should carry out with what the intention was from my mom.......

it's time for us.....

2006-06-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

well, got a magnificent news from faris that we have another chance to perform..... well it's acerli our chance now..... whether the place is simply not appropriate or what, we still have to start somewhere..... i guess somewhere is anywhere for us.... at least this once.... to show what we've got..... optimism must always be in our minds...... at last we got it, it's all up to time and destiny for us whether this is what we're cut out for......

time to show those mak salehs taste of singapore's youth talent..... puck u puckers!!!! \m/ \m/

Looks vs First impression

2006-06-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

Looks vs First impression

yup...... i don't know how this pop up while i was watching the france vs korea match...... i was lying down on the sofa, watching the match alone and this pops up...... but it kinda make sense...

come on be honest, which do you thinkis more important...?? be honest!!

a lot may say in this situation,it has to be first impression but i know deep down inside, some people would choose looks...... no i'm not trying to point fingers.. this is an opinion.... because i've been through both and i can't decide which is more important than the other......

well looks.... yeah some of us have it but some don't...... some gerls go for looks.... they will see it, eh not handsome, they change their mind....... this kind of gerls, if they're pretty themselves it may be ok but there are some who are not and yet go for looks...... but hey i'm not saying all guys are fine gentleman...... there are some shitheads who themselves go for looks...... but is looks really important??? is it the ferst thing people look for when they are "making friends"...... isit that important or valuable??? i don't know..... i guess in some situations or some people, looks i more important.......

well first impression...... hahahha to me this is more important.... really.... come on, you don't want to look like a desperate shithead right?? nor do you want to look corny or lame...... but there are guys who are shy and to make the ferst move, they may screw up the first impression.... should they been given a second chance?? i don't know...... one of my friends wic is a gerl told me the other day..... "there are not many shy guys animore"...... hahhaha.... actually there are.... you just don't see them.... COZ THEY'RE SHY!!!!

well to me i don't know wat's important..... coz it's hard to tell a gerl's heart... what they're saying inside...... whether they prefer that guy to give a good first impression or just have the looks.... no matter what you decide.....just look at yourself........

for once upon a time....

2006-06-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

well..... it's a usual boring sunday afternoon...... just staying home and wasting time....... the usual i guess....

well eventhough we're not performing, we're still jamming... and jamming as if we're getting ready for a performance.... just to better ourselves i guess....... a new song to our list... 'my heroine'....... a very meaningful song.......

well i guess right now, it's ime when i really can chill abit..... no hectic schedules........ but i'm hoping for a gig to happen for us....

-joey-

we're not given a chance....

2006-06-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

heyhey.... just wanna say the chance to perform wasn't meant to be for us.... and it's not that we pulled out of it........ it's due to the fucking organisers who apparently cut us due to our genre.... there was too much emo bands that they cut us......... that's just fucking nonsense and bastard....
and i sort of told him bout us quite early... he can't cut the late entry emo bands??? fuck you organisers......

well as my mom's not in singapore and i'm the only one who has no school or work, i have to do everything... getting the food ready...... and i mean everything....... so well it's ok.... i'm used to it now..... many resposibilities now.......

well i guess i'm okay now.... getting used to everything....... cheers people..... take care....

-joey-

don't challenge my manhood.....

2006-06-13T23:56:00.000-07:00

heyhey..... writing again.... updating this blog of mine..... well today, nothing much..... just had make -up lessons for my MTPRAC.... k dun be an idiot like my bro and say do i have a class doing make-up...... if your thinking that, your an idiot!!!

well it was kind of boring but the teacher made it fun by making fun out of us..... fucker u noe the man...... but he's cool ah...... as usual, he gave us 15 mins break and me,wenjun and satesh go smoke.... cannot tahan lah....... habit...... yah yah yah u might say...... den ended at 5 and went to play pool with my class dudes....... the four usual shitheads.......

after that went to eat at Al-Azhar..... wenjun's treat... hahahhah...... den we the usual idiotic people that we are, started daring each other.......tats after we finish our meal ah....... at ferst i didnt care about them daring me coz its like stupid but due to wenjun challenging my manhood by saying" you don't have balls isit??"........ the dare was to ask for a gerl's number.... luckily she was kind of pretty.... so right after he said tat i stood up and asked her...... and she gave and tat was it....... we're shitheads......

after that headed home..... my dad was asking where the hell i've been........ well at least he's understanding.........

cheers mates/loves........ i'm outt.......

i will say i'll forget her and....

2006-06-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

hey dudes!! well here i am writing again...... with the tv switch on to a channel with hot babes hahahahha...Northshore...... and my guitar beside me....... this is how i like it to be......

so today woke up early which is like 945am..... okay to me that's early, especially on a sunday.... had to send my mom to the airport........ she's going for umrah so yeah....... and every family member of mine was there..... from my dad, to my three bros, to my sis,to my bro-in-law, and my bro-in-law's mom which is part of my extended family now....... so it was fun seeing my family all together,,,,,,, after that went to bedok corner to eat...... all of us except my mom who i think was already in the plane i guess....... and for a moment i thought we were like from a car clan..... coz my bro was driving his modified hyundai getz and my bro-in-law with his modified subaru impreza......... we were like the two cars which was cool..... hahahahhaha....

so that's my day so far...... well i guess i'm gonna hang out at home and watch the world cup.... thank god my bros subsribe to the world cup channel..........

chiowz.....tkc........ cheers dudes/dudettes.......

2006-06-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

hey ho! so yeah today is my mom's birthday!!!! wohoo.... hapi bdae mom........ love her.... been there for me.... of course lah my mom what.... but the only people who celebrated were me, my sis, my mom of course and my two bros...... the others were working but they'll be home.....
so this is what we had..... just a little celebration for her...... well not gonna say anything else apart from my mom's b'dae coz there's no use saying it anyway.........

My mom's piece from the cake....

The cake itself......

The Blueberry strudle was delicious....

thought u were the gerl i always dreamed about

2006-06-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

well 6/6/6 is finally here... hahahah for those who believe in it, you know what it means.... eventhough i don't believe in it coz i believe in Allah, to me it's just unique....... coz you wun get to see this animore.... tat is unless you wil live 1000 years till 3006........ hahahhaha.......

so today actually i'm kind of angry about the test but i forgot what it was about....... cause i forgot everything when i reached home just now....... suddely all was put into perspective........ when i got home, there were only my parents.... my bros haven reach home.....yet..... wen i reached home, my mom asked if i had eaten alreadi and have i made my ez link..... it shows she's up to date with my life..... my dad asking me to eat and asked if i still got money left..... and asked of i still have cigarettes left.... eventhough countless of times i said dun nid to but me ciggarettes he still does..... how i love my dad n my mom so much...... and what made me forget all my pain i felt was seeing both of them.....

well my mom is going for umrah soon.... and she wants to use this bag....... it's under their bed so he asked my dad to retrieve it..... he gladly did with no questions asked..... and the beg was covered with dust and my dad gladly offered to clean it.... my mom smiled.... i looked at them..... so happy.......... and i thought why should i be sad or depress when my family is happy now..... they've gone thru shit.....

it's this moments that you would love to bring along in your mind till eternity...... love my family a lot........

and you said you didn't care.... but i do..... let fate decide...... let allah decide.... whether we should be togehter again......

i swore to the razor....

2006-06-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

heyhey..... me blogging again cause i have nothing to do.... in awhile i'll be off studying so in the mean time, just write a little post............

so tmr starts my common tests.... one day one test.... like weird right.... but i wanna study coz i dun wanna fail.... n wat i mean is i don't want to fail a single module....... during sec sch i can afford to fail some my CA's but now is different..... so i gotta study now...... gotta try lah seriously...... poly life is diff from the old days........

so actually i have no school today but i still went to school coz there was math remedial class and i wanted to go eventhogh i understand some of them already... i wanna increase my understanding.......... so after that went and study at the atrium until like 4.... after that went home.......

so today is simple yet long.........

take care people....do tag if u can..... see ya...... cheers.......

there's nothing else i can really do...

2006-06-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

The Cure - A letter to Elise

Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you say

I just can't stay here every yesterday

Like keep on acting out the same

The way we act out

Every way to smile

Forget

And make-believe we never needed

Any more than this

Oh Elise it doesn't matter what you do

I know I'll never really get inside of you

To make your eyes catch fire

The way they should

The way the blue could pull me in

If they only would

If they only would

At least I'd lose this sense of sensing something else

That hides away

From me and you

There're worlds to part

With aching looks and breaking hearts

And all the prayers your hands can make

Oh I just take as much as you can throw

And then throw it all away

Oh I throw it all away

Like throwing faces at the sky

Like throwing arms round

Yesterday I stood and stared

Wide-eyed in front of you

And the face I saw looked back

The way I wanted to

But I just can't hold my tears away

The way you do

Elise believe I never wanted this

I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises

I thought you were the girl I always dreamed about

But I let the dream go

And the promises broke

And the make-believe ran out...

So Elise It doesn't matter what you say

I just can't stay here every yesterday

Like keep on acting out the same

The way we act out

Every way to smile

Forget

And make-believe we never needed

Any more than this

And every time I try to pick it up

Like falling sand
As fast as I pick it up

It runs away through my clutching hands

But there's nothing else I can really do

There's nothing else I can really do

There's nothing else I can really do At all...

One of the best songs the world has ever heard.... it's filled with emotions so strong you can just imagine what robert smith is trying to say... the picture in his mind whie he was writing this....... cause really, there's nothing else i can really do....

should i be proud??

2006-06-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

should i be proud or should i be sad that someone can get someone eventhough the person is not that good looking....another thing.... what it feels to lose someone when you didn't do anything wrong...do you know.........

well today school supposedly to start at 11 but the teacher wanted to separate the classes having same lecture so we start at 12....... hahahhah anything lor....... so after the break had practical...... doing turning again..... it's boring actually but it's kind of cool........ so as usual me and wen jun finished ferst so we head off to diturb other classes...... hahahahahha idiots right the both of us?? the idiots of A22...... hahahha.....

so after school went to meet ariff,khalis and faiz to watch X-MEN 3!!!! AT LAST MAN!!!! was like wanting to watch it eversince last year.... hahahhaha... it was so awesome i must say..... didn't thought it would end like that....... but kitty aka shadowcat was really cute... seriously...... she's cute..... walau........hahhahahahah

after the movie, went and sat and talk for awhile.... after that went home and reached home at 11............ kind of tired coz was outt the whole day but i'm okay.... tmr gonna go study and go to my class dinner......... hahahahhaha......... filling my time with friends and family..... a love partner??? not the highest priority at the moment so anything goes from here.... whether i have someone or don't, i'm still gonna live each day with full of life........ coz in the end, eventhough some things end so tragically that you feel your life is all gone, there are still things that won't change..... like your family and friends....... so i guess, this is where i wanna be... home......

is this how it should be?

2006-05-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

well....yup you realised it.... i change my background.... again...... well cause i'm just bored and i feel so gothic nowadays and i dunoe why.... but i don't actuali style gothically.... just love the gothic concept..... been listening to more and more gothic.....

actually i'm updating my blog coz i have something in mind and i just wanna say it outt.....

do you agree that it's actuali hard to be someone who you are not..... i mean being someone that you don't normally be like.... well actuali i have "inherited" this nonensical attitude where i irritate people and make childish comments...... lately, it's getting old....... it's getting irritating... so actually what i'm trying to say, i don't feel comfortable with who i was... it's like so old..... yes i wanna be who i was but a more better one.....like not reali better lah but just better than the old me... honestly i don't know how i thought about it....... hahahah..... i'm weird sometimes..... well....

here's a gothic love story...... Cradle Of Filth - Nymphetamine

Lead to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A V of black swans
On with hope to the grave
All through Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
Im a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above unto me?
For once upon a time
From the binds of your lowliness
I could always find
The right slot for your sacred key
Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discolours all with tunnel vision
Sunsetter
Nymphetamine
Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To her alone in full submission
None better Nymphetamine
Nymphetamine, nymphetamine
Nymphetamine girl Nymphetamine,
nymphetamine My nymphetamine girl

Wracked with your charm
I am circled like prey
Back in the forest
Where whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance her to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

an epic of time wasted

2006-05-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

heylo people........ me right now in school.... just finished doing my math online revision...... stupid lecturer forcing me to do it...... so there u go, i did it and i'm happy.... you know why? coz he doesn't need to nag at my ears animore..... and each time i see congratulations tat just goes to show i have learn something from doing this revision...... if i didn't learn anitini will not have completed it.... so yeah..... ( listening to "strength of the world")

damn i'm so lazy to go home now....... seriously..... but i need to coz my books are all at home.... thought of taking my books and go study....... where is the best place??? macd??? library???

walouey i need to study sia... nxt week common test sia...... k la i need to go home now....... wana get home and get my books...... shit sia i guess i can only study at home...... shitadens.....

cheers love...... listening to a7x's album sounding the seventh trumpet.... back to the basics......

always happen to my friends, always happen to me

2006-05-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

heyhey..... i know, i haven't been updating coz i'm busy lah....with skul any many other things.... and yah i don't know what to post sometimes so yah..... stupid reasons izit?

oright so gonna just update what i remember doing aite.... hmmmm FRIDAY went jammign after school.... met them straight at the usual jam place..... so yup jam and jam...... lately jamming sessions is really tiring... i don't know why.... wakakkaka.... and yah you can see the difference between jamming for only a few weeks and jamming for the past two years..... hahahhah.... chey chey chey.....

SATURDAY started late for me.... woke up late and only had fun late.... coz went to the usual coffee bean on that saturday night... yup with the usual poeple.... faiz,dinee,rahman and syamir.... yup some people were missing but we still had a fun time.,..... making fun of each other, and i mean really making fun.... hahahaha wink wink......

so today SUNDAY stayed home.... had to do my stupid assignments and study..... haiz... but it's okay after two days of coming home late..... pay back my mom's understanding by not going out.....so yah stayed home and eventhough it's boring, have to complete my assignments.... haiz sianz......

so oright i noe it's just pathetic how i'm updating my blog but too bad.... hahahahah...
man, need to start saving man..... and i don't mean only my money..... my ciggs too.... can i stick to 4 sticks per day???
1. early morning at dover
2.after lunch
3.after school
4.after dropping off the mrt

walouey!!!!!! shitans..... lets try shall we...... challenge myself for awile... testing jer.....

take care people.... byez..... PuL.....

quiet and shy.....stubborn and temperamental.... hahhaha

2006-05-25T01:25:00.000-07:00

hey guyz.... haven been updating much coz nothing much to say acerli.........skul has been boring.... lessons has been dull and draggy....... hahahha but yup still gotta study.... the common test are coming up.... 2 weeks more.... so far i can understand the lessons but for how long will the topics be considered my standard....... my other course peeps say they are stressed coz they don't really understand what the lecturers are teaching.... god i'm starting to see that too...... today i don't understand this part of engineering mechanics but after i read it again, i started to understand it but at a slow pace...... well this is poly life........ gotta get thru 3 yrs and have my diploma.... insyallah.......

so yah acerli updating my blog today coz of a certain someone, bcoz i am nice, i care to update my blog....the person is going to read this in school so everybody say hai to this person.... as this person doesn't want to be recognised,coz i am nice, i shall not say out the name and gender..... sila kan baca!! hehhehe see u in canteen 1!

giving it another shot....

2006-05-21T02:29:00.000-07:00

hahahha oright so actually this post is sort of last minute and uncalled for...... yup it's 230 AM and yet i'm in front of the laptop cause actuali i have something to say ah....... ferstly wanna apologize for my rash tackles and bad challenges to my frenz during soccer..... hahahhah didnt know how i got so flared up....... sori bros.........

so yah this is i guess a late thought from me....... but i need to say this.......i'm giving it another shot...... and this time, i'm giving all i got.....giving more than my previous failed attempts........ giving it another shot......... i just think now is the right time for me to say it's over and yes i am gonna be fine with it.......this time, i'm gonna try my fucking best to make sure i succeed...... i don't wanna fail animore........ as hard as it gets, i'm gonna forget her....... no more thinking that things may have turn out to be better........ no more saying that it's too hard........ suck it up dude.... step into the light and follow the path that you should have been on....... stop wishing..... face the truth................she's gone dude.....G.O.N.E....... there's no point saying things will change...... don't you care about yourself...... what about you?? when will you start making yourself feel better....... i know dude you still want her but what can you do?? just take whats left and leave dude while you still can........ enough is enough....... i need to do this........ i really need to do this...... giving this with what i have left...... my sanity........making things better for myself..... you gotta try dude.....with all you got.......

don't need to pray for me....
don't need to be supporting me....
it's my fight to be won......
my ownself to be won.....

i'm cold but not as cold as you...

2006-05-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

welding was so fun,cool and dangerous in the same time....... hahahhaha..... it's fun cause you are using yor god given hands so to do something goood with them was fun and cool...... hands on experience.... and by the way, if you don't know what's welding, you know when you see a construction site and it has this bright spark to join metals?? yup i did that..... such a wonderful experince.... so welding was easy..... you just have to make lines by first melting the metal and then slowly move on a straight line..... it was so cool.... first time was a bit weird but after you get use to it.... it was extremely fun........ when i did only one line after numerous of trys, the teacher said and i quote" ok u! u finish already ok already your wan"... de i say wait la sir i wanna do summore..... den he say your problem la........... den i say okay la....... hahahhaha coz its fun.... den i do four more lines den i stop......... den pass my work up.... den he ask me to sit down la den he ask questions......... i was like answering them lah what else..... the teacher was cool ah.... he very understanding la...... so cool.... oh yah the dangerous part is that you must n i mean must wear the big welding mask or nt u go blind.... i'm not joking......... it's so bright.... fi you are so brave that you wanna gamble your chance to see your loved ones again den don't wear.... and yah your marks will be deducted also.... hahahhaha

so today was cool ah.... after skul went to play pool at bukit timah i think......... hahahhahah....... with the usual people lah like khairi,faruq,nuh,wen jun and farhan........ fun lah coz they are my friends what... alwaes enjoy with them.... in class always fool around but still study.... weird rite...... hahahahhaha.......

yah i was sick since monday i think.... i thought i was having just a normal sneeze like i always do.... i just didn't do anything ah... didn't eat any medicine or anithing.... but den by wednesday it was getting worse......... each time i sneeze, there will be blood.... and my sneeze is always continuosly so can u imagine, each time on ur tissue there's blood....... i was like panicking..... den i only ate some medicine yesterday which was thursday ah and now i feel so much better........ so yah..... kind of scary to see myself sneezing blood...... i thought it was something serious but ney, i'm thankful.....just thankful..........

sometimes it just feels tiring.....

2006-05-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

hahhahah i sound like a hypocrite!!!!!!!! serious..... you see i got two prjects.... one id done and over with but the other is still not done....... both are baout smoking....... and the things i contibute just makes me sound like a hypocrite coz me myself smoke and there i am saying all the bad things about smoking.... my friend all laugh when they see me present like i'm anti-smoking when each time after i eat my lunch i will go smoke....... hahhahahah weird rite......

like what the hell, there you are telling people not to smoke while there u are smoking before school, during school and after school...... hahahah ok ok that is a bit of this week........

and this week got two tests....... haiz lazy lah........ rite now i feel sick......... running nose and coughing..... and there you are still smoking?? hahaha fuck u..........

well what to do... the life of a fucking student........hahahhaa man poly life is getting harder and tougher but i have to go through this challenge in my life......... hahahhaha........ so just a little update from me.......

take care people...... gotta study now.... hope barcalona kicks arsenal's ass tonight!!!! wahahahah

and our love have gone so wrong...

2006-05-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

have you ever feel so alone....... feel as if there is no one to talk to..... no one who undertands wat your going through....... it feels like shit...it feels like crap.....

you know yesterday i went to shop with my two brothers, my sis and my bro-in-law......... i always have nothing to talk about.... i will be the one shutting p... and when i did something wrong i am being scolded even when is the stupidest thing.... and like as if i'm stupid...... i was fucked up yesterday....... and when i was talking they will be talking bout other things.... i was like what the fuck.... i'm talking here and u guyz can just shut me off.......

it seems that people like to hust me off at the werst point of time...........

stop this?? stop this feeling of can't letting go......... if it's easy, iwill be okay a long time ago...... and why it seems my blog is always nothing but my feelings?? because before this, my blog was updated about my daily life..... now it's different.... this is a place where i say it all out..... no thinking whether i'm hurting someone's feelings..... it seems so hard....... people toying with my feelings...... when it was just for fun......... and i'm here not even near over you.... why....... fuck this fucking thing........ fuck everything....... i don't have feelings rite..... you think i am a place where can be played....... now it's you...... when i'm in a state of being haunted by my past..... being fully haunted......... when sometimes i can't even sleep at night..... do you know that!!!! i can't even sleep.......... fuck all......fuck myself...... fuck off.......

the end was near all the time...

2006-05-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

school was from 8 to 12 today..... and the two modules(subjects) were not related to electrical engineering or even engineering for that matter...... it was more like a presentation skill class...... it's so boring........ good thing that i brought along my laptop.... i can chat with people while the teacher is explaining how your posture should be when you're presenting....... duh! you should stand straight and look confident.......... yes people do get nervous but we should try.... we learn that during our secondary school days.......... 4 hours of "waste my time""i rather go home but i have to have 80% attendence"..........haiz..... but it's okay...... it's better to just show up den not show up and have more problems after that....... oh yah went to school with hawa just now...... accidentally met at dover busstop...... so yah..... at 12 met my frenz, ate lunch and after that went home...... a short day but sleepy day indeed...........

each time he wants to forget this day, he feels as if something powerful is stopping him from forgetting it...... he knows he shouldn't think about it but it's fucking just there lah..... he doesn't know how to tell you guyz...... if only he knows how to make this go away....... today for him, reminds him of both happy and sad things..... it's obvious........ he can't stand looking at other people who has someone but he doesn't..... he doesn't know what to say anymore....... he feels as if this situation is just too much sometimes....... if only he could run away...... but something is holding him back......... his heart remains here....... his stubborn heart is waiting for someone...... maybe he should go on without his heart...... don't ask me..... when i look at him.... i'm speechless at the way he's trying to show that this doesn't effect him... how hard it must be for him....how heart breaking it must be for him....if u ask me, i would say he is putting effort,it just takes lots of time for him...... if only i could help him........

see him numb,see him crushed....

2006-05-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

hmmmmm.... yah as u may see there's a difference to the appearence of my blog.... yup i've just changed my blogskin...... was bored so thought about changing it... so this skin it came about while i was looking around for a new skin.... it captures my attention coz of the title.... there's a band which has this name for your info.... and the colour combination are the two of my favouite colours... so yeah....... that's a about my new skin....

so today was just simple and straight forward.... played soccer at the usual time, at the usual place.... and after that, hang out at the same place...... hahhahaha.... if u wanna know where u can kindly ask me or the guyz...... hahhahahah...... aaaaaahhhhhh my bro took all my ciggarettes... and what am i suppose to smoke now??? haiyaa......nevermind it's ok....... i'm bored......and i can't afford to be bored... or not i'll start to think about things i dun wanna think about.... haiyaa.... life is such a hectic period of time....... but maybe it's you who choose it to be hectic?? did i choose that?? there is a possibility there.... i don't know.... i don't really bother to know..... ohh yah before i forget.... Pap Tampines won....... hooray i guess......

after like months and months...... still it's you i can't deny..... i can't deny ur better than the others.... or are you just like all the rest...... it all seems so familiar... and it happens all the time.... i keep thinking about it.... i try to stop but it's just.... lingering in my head.... waiting for the chance to pop up and let me think about it......... i hate it......no offence to anyone but i wanna stop.... really i do.... i'm tired of allowing the blood flow out...... i'm tired of thinking about how i wish you come back...... and the weird part is that while i'm saying all this, there's this little voice in my head saying i really hope you come back..... yup it's confusing... it's complicating..... don't ever believe that i will get over this soon..... and i honestly don't know why....is the past that sweet that i can't get over??? as sweet as it is, why can't i afford to forget it.... forget everything that has happen... take it as a lesson and never look back.... just go....just leave.... i wish i don't need to bother and i wish i don't need to breathe....... i wish i know the answers to my questions... the reasons to all my doubts...... the reason why i still can't help falling in love with you.....ohhh yah why do i even love you so much??? okay i don't want to answer that coz it will take a very long time for me to finish..... ohhhh why must it be this way..... honestly i'm not forcing myself to be this way...... i just feel like this..... fucking shit...... it's all in the mind...... it's all in the past...... see me numb and see me crushed.....

a song for broken hearts

2006-05-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

This is a song

to all broken hearts

to those who knows

how it feels.

to have someone

and accept they're gone

to have someone

take your love away.

to those who've cried

so much so

to those who've bled

like who i've bled.

to those who had

loved someone

and to hear them say

go away

to hear them say

go away.....

i had you

but i didn't realise

the end was near

all the time.

i thought we were forever

or at least for a year

but it ended 7 months ago.

when my heart was still

strong enough

to say i'm okay.

but things have changed

and you are gone

and i have to swallow all that down

you are gone

you are gone......

firstly......it's not like he is forcing himself not to forget her..... it's not that he is forcing himself to feel this way.... he is not forcing himself to be in this state........ it's just he feels this way.... to him, she is his perfect partner... the perfect match..... his queen...... eventhough there maybe other girls who may be better or more perfect.... he rather stick to imperfection....... he knows what he wants.... he knows who he wants...... he is trying very hard to cope with this....... he has no one to talk to... he writes and continues to write until the day he can't write anymore..... may that be the day when his heart is healed....

may peace be upon you......

It's you i can't deny....

2006-05-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

school today was just 2 hrs for me.... what the hell..... but okay la.... at least i didn't have to do anything that would stress me up...... it was just an oral presentation.... which i love doing.... i love presenting....... so mcm, exciting... looking at those people's faces...... seeing whether they understand what your trying to say...... when they're face shows that they understand what you're saying, you feel great, satisfied and motivated to finish your presentation wit confidence.... well after that met my frenz and just hang out the whole day.... basically that was my day......

what can i say.... i really don't know what to do.... been denying it.... been saying it's you i can do without...... but i know deep down in my fucking heart, i'm lying to myself.... i'm lying coz i've been denying it.... and honestly speaking, i don't know for how long i can stand denying it..... cause it's you i can't deny that i want.....make this world better please... anyone.... i don't care who... just make it better........ anyone will do tonight ANYONE WILL DO TONIGHT..... yeah been thinking a lot about her these past few days.... don't ask me why....... am i really a one-woman guy???? cause speaking honestly, i'm not that motivated or interested to find a new.... cause i still want the old.... i have no one to talk to now.... i don't know who understands what i'm going through....... so i just gonna say it here..... here is where i can say what i want and need not care about what the other part of the world is saying about me....... i just need god to help me..... may my prayers be answered one day.... one faithful day... is all i'll be waiting for........ shall it come or not i don't know..... just hope that one day.... i'll be okay......... peace.......chow.....

some people are just like that......

2006-05-01T00:30:00.000-07:00

somethings just don't seem to change..... eventhough u see it....u examine it..... it still doesn't change..... i want it to change..... i want things to be like how it used to..... some people dun change.... cause they prefer how they are now....... they rather stick to who they are than change to who they aren't........ small things doesn't mean they have change entirely...... like mayb smoking for instance...... when a person start smoking... it doesn't make him a bad guy..... he's what he is before.... its just he smokes now...... its not he encourages others to do it.... its not tat he becomes rude and blow the smoke towards other people...... he will blow it towards the other direction.. he can be considerate...... it's just that he's finding it hard to cope with evrything.... i'm not saying he needs cigarettes to lose some stress...... he just needs it cause basically, he can't bare to except the fact.... he's finding it hard to face reality........ can u reali blame him??? can u reali blame him for taking things slow........ yeah maybe he is taking too slow... but people all have their own desirable pace.......all people are different..... like some rather stick to what they are.... eventhough some poeple may think he has change....... he has...... but it's not to the extreme.... smoking and being more irritating...... thats all.... he takes his time to mend his heart and to sooth his soul..... but in the same time, he is reminded of the past...... the beautiful times and the bad.... but he doesn't regeret...... oh no he doesn't........ he's writing what's on his mind..... he doesn't want your sympathy.... he doesn't need your tears...he just wants you to know that there are some people out there..... who could be a gentleman............. who just wants things to be what they were.... who doen't want to change a thing or to forget anything that has happen.....
some people are like that.......

It's been so long

2006-04-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

HAHHAHAHAH WEEEWEEEWEE i'm back!!! after so long due to technical issues....... basically it's wih my comp.... it's been down since like i don't even know since when.... now i'm using my laptop coz i just got it(thank god at last)....... so acerli wanna update a bit here and there so that people will still wanna read my blog......

so my ferst wek of skul has been reat acerli.... meet new people every single day.... and the lessons so far is manageable......the math is like what i learn during sec 4 n sec 5 times so it's acerli still in my head.... so that's cool acerli......

k la i'm a bit tired now so i guess i stop here for now........

take care u guyz.....

Hard it is to swallow

2006-04-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

indeed it is hard for me to swallow.... especially today...... i don't know what came over me today... suddenly felt so hurt .......so alone....... so useless....... but i have now came to my senses..... i know the problem is me....... i can't act like it's her fault.... i can't blame her coz i'm the one who can't get over her..... even though right at this moment it's really hurting me inside i really need to say this.... i need to say something.... i don't know who to turn to animore..... as i dunoe who to turn to, mite as well i turn to my blog........

criticize me if you want...... i can't ask her to stop looking beautiful......... i can't ask her to stop attracting me coz it's me who's attracted to her....... i can't blame her coz she's already been that way since don't know went.... i can't blame her for my problems..... i guess this will take a year...... a year to get over....... i dunoe..... i'm reali reali down like hell........ this is the bad side of life..... you suddenly feel so down that you feel helpless...... i don't know what else to say..... so i guess i'll end here.......

at that moment

2006-04-02T15:15:00.000-07:00

People who your comfortable may include your family,your friends and your lover....... but the third option is the most vulnerable....... it may be there at one moment but it may not be there the next....... the times you shared will never perish but the feelings will be different........ feelings include hurt, sadness,depression......... but this feelings will be felt depending on the situation.......

so yesterady had the BBQ PIT with me friends at pasir ris park....... it was kinda fun la.... coz most of the time i will be cooking or playing the guitar or talk craps with me friends....... like there was this one time areeff played the guitar and me and rahu made up lyrics.... and we sang about masturbation...... the song was nice but the topic was unusual i guess...... hahahha but it was fun with me n rahu's antics combined........ so we ate n ate n ate until we can't eat animore........ and there were still food left.... and so i bring it home......... yeah so me n ma bros can feast at home........

so the pit was filled with people i'm comfortable with so i guess thats a good thing.......... eventhough nobody brought a radio or anything it was still lively coz people talk... a lot... and loudly........ so at least thats a consolation........ and one reminder if you are the cook for ur bbq pit gathering....... Don't wear black!!!!!!!!!!! it will trap the heat!!!!!! hahahhahah i noe it was dumb of me to wear black.......

so overall the pit was ok....... thanks to all the poeple who sincerely came down.... thanks daryl for everything...... and shafiq too.......... thank you all.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so that's all.......take care lovely people....... may peace be upon you.........

......The Masks Of Love And Death......

my last sacrifice......

2006-03-29T22:25:00.000-08:00

tomorrow's my last day at work........ gonna miss arranging the pockets and topping-up the magazines.... changing the freaking pillow cover........ putting on the head-rest..... but man how happy am i to get out of there!!! i'm so tired........ every single day my body aches....... i'm so tired... of waking up that early..... at last i can rest completely before the hectic skul starts........ so tomorrow's gonna be my last sacrifice.....

well i have nothing much to say..... been speechless.... so speechless....... confuse...... well actuali it comes in a package i guess........ just hope one day..... i can say without hesitating that i'm okay.... hope that one day won't be long....... i dunoe how long i can stand......... it's eating me inside........ i guess all i can say is..... pray for me...... pray that i'll be okay one day....... may that one fine day come soon.........

Is it that hard?!

2006-03-26T23:59:00.000-08:00

why are somethings just hard to solve........ just hard to make it all better....... the problem drags on to a moment of time when your really asking yourself...... is it that hard?!

well yesterday went to Ngee Ann Poly to go for my medical and sort out some other things like laptops and all that..... okay yes it looks old...... yes it's far as in i've never gone to the west side to study or live there....... but in the other hand let me tell you this..... ferst, it felt right when i entered the skool.... i know it's weird but thats how i felt....... so am happy with my decision to stick with ngee ann poly........about it's look?? well yes it looks old but it's still ain't it..... sometimes old dogs are still reliable....... don't under-estimate things just bcoz of the look........ now, the journey....... i ain't complaining...... coz one thing, there are other people who live in tampines but need to go even further than Clementi.... they aren't complaining......... why should i??? coz right now i'm not complaining about the journey.... the expenses?? haven't really thought about it........ so actually everythings fine.. all is left to do is some financial things....... other than that.... it went well........

so today werk as usual..... only 6 people came..... u shud acerli have 11 people everyday but we had 6..... ain't my team good??? but nevermind.... it was fun....... only four days left..... and i have my life free from werk and enjoy a little before skool starts......... so okay.......... after werk went to play soccer with my usual buddies... but it was very tiring........... and i mean very tiring...... haiz but it was fun too....... so now i'm here.... alone in the room... writing this post......... thinking bout something which reali make my heart..... well i'm not gonna say it..........

why is it so hard to forget you. i don't want to bring up this topic with all my frenz......... i don't wanna make a scene like i use to do in the past...... thats why i need my blog...... when will i ever accept the fucking fact......... that not all things end up the way you want it......... why is it so hard for me to let go........ why is it damn hard??? apa yang kasi benda susah sangat....... apa keistimewaanya???? sampai aku ni susah sangat nak selesai kan??? why??? why is it so hard?!?!

Our love is lost

2006-03-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

wassupp dudes.... just gonna update my day which has just gone pass just like that........

so the usual woke up at 530......IN THE MORNING IF I MAY ADD........ had werk today...... my eyes we so heavy while i was in the bus... i kept falling asleep.... den wen reach werk, after taking my pass, went to smoke.... at least that made my eyes open wider........ but i was still sleepy nevertheless......... for the ferst time ever we didnt have to clean a megatop flight..... but so many romeo flights......... at least okay la......... it's work.... u cannot be too picky... mind that i use 'too'....... so after werk headed home quickly coz had a jam session which was plan quite last minute but it was cool.... enjoyed jamming with those 3 freakos....... so one of our song is completed... left with the lyrics which is so hard to write............. can't think of something to write about.... hmmm so it has to wait... who ever said writing a song takes 24 hours...... so thats tat.........

so tmr i'm not working... had to take leave coz tmr goin to my new skool. NGEE ANN POLY.........
having my medical and to see how it is la basically... so wish me luck.. my butt's gonna hurt by the time i reach there i guess.... hope not........ so end..........

are you really so hard to get over??? are you the only one i'm ever gonna be comfortable with??? replacing something/someone is never easy...... never ever easy......... peace dudes........

Down to my last.....

2006-03-22T23:45:00.000-08:00

hey dudes..... how u all doin??? hope you guyz are fine... so today another normal day of working....... so now it's confirmed........ i'm quitting this job end of this month......... gonna rest my ass off.......... u noe rest before poly life starts....... worried and excited in the same time... two feelings who don't often meet each other...... hahhahahha

so today wo9rk was like any other work day....board the plane.... clean it fast.. get down.... get into the van... go to the next flight.......... but this teammate of mine is reali getting on my nerves.. she is like taking advantage of us due to her stupidity....... can't she realise that if you are scolded every single day and every supervisors dislikes you, they are trying to say do your job better or get out!!!!!!!!! man can't wait to quit.. but gonna miss the people who know me over there....... met knew bunch of people.......... so yeah two ways to see this... the happy side and the sad side........ oh well.... alls well that ends well.... but not all the time.........

god i still do....... your still in my mind....... if only you knew what my heart is saying/feeling right at this moment........... yes there are times when i thought i could live without you........ now it seems so lonely everyday....... day wothout you is lonely........ no kols... no msgs........ nothing........ well i gotta get use to this........ all those imaginations i had about us in the future, i have to let them go......... all of my dreams.......... well, things have happen...... i can't change what has happen....... just hope my future would be bright...... insyallah........

Start a new shit.......

2006-03-21T23:00:00.000-08:00

well my old blog was down..... so down that i don't how to make it better........ so i decided to make a new blog.... so this is my first post........ so hope you like it... a new look.... a new name.... no more bullshits....well maybe some.......... so yeah i'll update on other days aite...... i have other shits to take care of............